The Outlaw's Least Favorite Game Moments: Shao Kahn

Shao Kahn: Proof that muscle size is directly proportional to how big of a douche you are.

I haven't said one thing about the latest Mortal Kombat up until this point, mainly because it took a drunk impulse buy for me to get it. I was a Street Fighter fan growing up. However, looking back I wish I had gotten it sooner so I could have reviewed it (that will be semi-rectified soon possibly). To be quick without saying too much about it, there was a lot to like about it... except for Shao fuckin' Kahn. For those of you unfamiliar with the Mortal Kombat universe, Shao Kahn is the ultimate sore looser and rule-bender. The new game is a retelling of the first three, so seeing it all happen quickly shows just how much of a whiny bitch he is. "Waaaaah, we lost the tournament so I can't conquer Earth-Relm. Guess I just have to keep finding loop-holes so I get another cheap chance." Grow up. Earth isn't all that great anyway. However, my hate goes beyond his extremely flawed disposition. It's how cheap he is to fight.

I was going to go into detail about what makes him awful, but this chap did it for me. The first half is the important part.


Dick

So let's recap. He can zip across the screen with an attack either on the ground or in the air, he has an unblockable hammer that can stun you, he can ignore your attacks and hit you through them, and he can punch through your block if he feels like. Basically, there is no fighting fair with him, because if you do your blocking game and your evasive game don't matter anymore. Oh, and like the guy from the video said, his x-ray attack does %52 damage. It's just... tacky. Sure, Goro and Kintaro have some of the same attributes, but a skilled, quick player can find ways to outmaneuver them. And if you're wondering what the final fight looks like, it's something like this. Keep in mind that this is on a lower difficulty, though, as the timid voice-over guy says.


On a harder difficulty, my successful plan was to let him attack and teleport behind him to do some quick damage.

It doesn't end there, though. Make your way into the upper levels of the challenge tower and you'll find yourself taking on THREE Shao Kahn's, one right after the other, without being rewarded all your health back between fights. And then of course, there's Challenge Room #300


If you're wondering what those little icons popping up on the screen are, that's your opponents randomly getting power-ups while you are sometimes robbed of your ability to block or do full damage. In an act of mercy, that stops happening when you get to Shao Kahn. You still have to fight him after three other people, though.

Basically, anything involving Shao Kahn is cheap. It almost makes me miss Seth from Street Fighter IV... almost.