The Outlaw's Least Favorite Game Moments: Actually Fighting Dragons In Dragon Age

Despite this being my second article over least favorite moments involving Dragon Age: Origins (or just Dragon Age for people who aren't dumb), I actually really liked the first one. However, seeing as I'm playing the (awesome) sequel, I thought it would be appropriate to write my feature over the original. Then I realized I was up for a least favorite. Thus, DA gets the shit end of the sick. I'm sorry Bioware. I really do love it. Now it's time to put on your careful helmets children. Thar may be spoilarz ahead.

Anyway, when I say "fighting dragons" I don't mean the littlen's. I don't even mean their mid-size cousins. I'm talking about those full size, bastard hard, fire-breathing assholes. And in truth, the ones I'm talking about teeeechnically aren't dragons. While there is a full size actual dragon, I thought it would be best not to mess with him. No, I'm, of course, referring to Flemeth and the Arch-Demon. AND NOW TO ONCE AGAIN TELL YOU WHY IN THE FORM OF AMAZING ANECDOTES!

So when the first game came out, Grady (El Jefe) and I were still roommates. We went half and half on the game and I bought the guide to help us with the harder decisions (it didn't help). So naturally, we kinda monitored each others progress. I was a warrior and he was a squishy mage so us wanting to see how things progressed differently also played a role. ANYWAY, as I was making the lovey loves with Morrigan, I ended up taking on her personal quest sooner. So, I took up my sword and went to kill that bitchy, fake mom of her's. You may know her as Flemeth. I proudly proclaimed to my former roommate, "I'm gonna kill Flemeth now! I wonder what the fight will be like, though? Oh well, I'm a pretty high level. It shouldn't be a problem." Grady then thought for a moment, picked up the guide, and began to read. Right before the confrontation went down, Grady looked up and said, "ughhh I don't think you're ready for this." Turning around, I boasted, "I'm ready for anything!" Then, upon returning my attention to the game, I saw her change... into this.

"Not ready? What the hell are you talking aboHOLY SHIT!"

Never before was I caught so off-guard. Flemeth tore into me in much the same way that a fat kid opens a bag of cheetos. Confused, beaten, and a little suicidal, I left Flemeth's home when I reloaded. I swore I would beat her one day. Several quests later, I returned for another confrontation. "It is I," I yelled, "Christopher "The Outlaw" Smith! Slayer of Demons, the scourge of evil, and a person who defeated Sephiroth in Kingdom Hearts 2!" We fought for dozens of minutes, my whole party falling several times. I became increasingly frustrated. Then I decided to actually take control of Wynne, making my sole purpose healing my party. The battle raged on for what seemed like forever. And then, I looked up and saw my character leaping into the dragon's face, swinging his sword, and delivering the final blow. The battle was over... I had won. But this was far from the worst dragon battle.

But this is the worst dragon movie.

Okay, so this isn't really an anecdote. I lied. I'm sorry. Anyway, the final battle in DA is probably one of the worst I've ever played. Mainly because it's unfair. Here's how it goes down. You choose the final party to take into the battle a good while before you actually get to the arch-demon. Thus, if you get to the demon and realize you don't have the right party, too bad asshole, deal with it or play the whole damn section over again. And that's what happened to me. I took my healer, my other warrior, and my lover (because duh). So here's how the battle went down. I realized early on that the support units were basically just fodder. The best way to kill the damn arch-demon was to distract it with them and then use the ballistas around the map to pummel it do death. However, if you play on normal or higher (which I was) the ballistas break. Didn't bring a rogue to fix the things you didn't know would be there? Too fucking bad. They're broken forever and OH LOOK THE DRAGON IS RAPING YOU WITH FIRE FROM A DISTANCE FROM A PLATFORM YOU CAN'T REACH NOW AND YOU ALSO HAVE A NEVER ENDING HORDE OF DARKSPAWN BREATHING DOWN YOUR NECK! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Oh wait, not yay. This fight is bullshit.

I fought this asshole for hours and realized that I had to do the unthinkable. I turned the difficulty down. The ballistas didn't break and I defeated the Arch-Demon in a matter of moments. Yes, I won, but the victory felt so hollow. To this day it still haunts me. Ugh... I need to be alone. Goodbye.