Four Reasons Why I Wish I Was a Video Game Character

1. General Badassery

Let's be honest when was the last time you played a video game where the hero of the game wasn't awesome in some (if not all) way(s). It's the condition you must meet in order to be the hero. Being the Hero comes with all the perks. Saying things that would normally get your ass beat down so quick, without flinching, knowing without any fear that even if that huge obviously superior alien gets angry you are still Man enough to take that sonofabitch down. The Hero is charming, and funny. He always gets the girl by flaunting his obvious awesome, his beaming charm and his relieving comic remarks, and he makes me feel funny on the inside....that's normal right...? I basically want to be Nathan Drake. Who doesn't, though?


2. Cheats

Well duh.
"Oh man... I wish I had a less crappy car. I got it! I'll just pull out my phone... 227-555-0147..." 
*BLAM*
SWEET! A new super awesome car dropped from the sky in front of me!
Let me use my immunity from the law to drop this car on all the people I hate.
TAKE LAMBORGHINI, STUPID HIPSTERS!! MUAHAHAHA!

"Man... that guy pisses me off... Good thing I can spawn any weapon I want... Hmmmm... this should do nicely."

And If I die, I can always just heal with my handy physics-cheating phone, as long as I input the appropriate code that can be found anywhere on the internet!! 
It would be so awesome, and is also a great lead into...


3. Damage Resistance, Lives, Saves/Loads, and Checkpoints

Okay, this one might the crown jewel. Think about it, you go into a test, come out knowing you failed. RELOAD


You were at a party, and then the next day you woke up in bed with that fat chick/dude at the party and you cannot remember a thing....
RELOAD




You said "You are acting just like your mother!!" to your girl
RELOAD


You farted loudly in class
RELOAD


You got real drunk and found yourself making out with your best friends sister
RELO-
well... use your judgment on that one.


Man, think about how great that would be...


Next imagine you have video game character damage receiving  capability: As long as you don't get shot in the head (and sometimes even if you do!) Just don't get shot again for a while. Your eyes will be covered in an opaque red something, or the color of the world might go away, or you might freakishly be able to see the veins in your eyes despite how impossible that is; but as long as you just take a break, don't get shot again for a while all things will be fine. The video game character has very very fast healing abilities. Punches hardly even do a thing! You would be king of bar fights. Even if the cops do show up, just pull out your phone, and call the cops off! Video games have it easy.

4. Upgrades

This is NOT what I meant!!

What if you happen to be a video game character who just so happens to also be a puss bag. No worries. Upgrade!! You can enhance anything these days! ANYTHING!
:D
Are you out of shape? Unable to run or fight for long amounts of time? Next time you have acquired enough experience, simply throw some points down into Fatigue! If you can't many take punches or bullets without having to reload the game, drop some of those handy exp points into Stamina! You will be the toughest jock in the neighborhood before you know it!  

Four simple reasons why my life would be infinitely better if I had the simple amenities that video game characters take for granted everyday. It's a sad realization, but if we fight, we might one day prove our worth to get the rights we deserve!!! Or... something... eh.