To Washington: A Few Tips from the World of Video Games

Let's face it: today’s politicians are pretty dysfunctional. They seem inept, boneheaded, and well, downright ridiculous at times (namely all the time), but there may be some hope for them yet, from an unlikely source: gaming. Video games can teach us about a great many things, and I believe that today’s elected officials should take to heart a few of the lessons that video games offer.




Centrism doesn’t work, apparently...

One of the maxims of modern politics is that centrism is key to electoral success. The idea is that the majority of the voting population is politically moderate, and a successful politician will play to this. This is all fine and well in theory, but I’ve been taught otherwise for the greater part of my life by a little thing called alignment.

Take the Secret Tomb on Korriban in KOTOR II for example. To enter, you have to be strongly aligned with either the Dark or Light side of the Force. If you’ve tried to tread the moderate course throughout the game, not seeking to help everyone that suffers in the galaxy, avoiding wanton acts of cruelty, or playing in a mostly mercenary manner, well, tough luck. No fence-riders allowed, only rabidly partisan ideologues. Guess you shouldn’t have listened to that bloody centrist, Kreia. But who listens to her, anyway? Stupid people, that’s who. Certainly not an esteemed reader of the best blog in the galaxy like yourself! Right...?

Conventional political wisdom says "Kreia 2012." This blogger argues otherwise.

Another example can be found in the Mass Effect series via the good ol’ dialogue wheel. Let’s say Miranda wants to kill Jack and Jack wants to kill Miranda. Very surprising. Now it’s possible, if your Shepard is sufficiently Paragon or Renegade (and has sufficient Charm or Intimidate, respectively), to solve such an issue in a way that makes both parties happy(ish), or at least keeps them willing to talk to you. If not, you’ll have to pick a side and disappoint somebody, probably the one you don’t intend to bed (unless you’re a femshep). Again, centrism has failed you. Should’ve punched more women in the face or accused more C-Sec officers of racism. On the bright side, now all you have to hear Jack say is “fuck off.”

So what can today’s politicians learn from this? Pick a bloody side, and pursue it vehemently and unwaveringly! If you’re a liberal, become a radical and try to get the government to be the economy, not just regulate it. Try to make gay marriage mandatory for everyone, don’t just allow it. Conservative? Not to worry! You can simply become a reactionary: abolish taxes and spending rather than try to reduce them, and deport gays and communists and hippies and their ilk rather than just oppose them! Get those alignment points, and you can do anything. Including making your opponent agree with you. However that works....

These guys know what's up!

The incumbency disadvantage

Everybody knows it’s difficult to unseat an incumbent; they have tons of money, they have name recognition, and they can take credit for their record.Typically, barring a scandal or economic meltdown, a challenger v. incumbent showdown is a David and Goliath affair, respectively. Again, I’ve found a counterargument in gaming: the pesky little hero.

So let’s say you’re sitting back, minding your own dictatorship of evil robots and enjoying the privileges of forcefully seized office, when along comes this little robot boy, blasting his way through your robot army like he runs the place. You figure, “Well, he’s just one kid, he’ll get killed soon enough.” And you’re right, he does. But then he comes back. Over and over again...

The problem is, you’re the villain– Dr. Wily, in the case of Mega Man– and in gaming that means you’ve crippling weaknesses and your opponent has an unlimited resource: himself. He gets to heal with reckless abandon (e.g. hiding behind cover until healed, drinking orange juice to mend gaping wounds, etc.), can take ridiculous amounts of damage compared to your henchmen, and worst of all, just bloody returns for more if you do manage to kill him. It’s enough to drive an evil overlord into early retirement due to sheer frustration with your doomed existence.

Yeah....I think he's finally lost it...

The lesson for the political world is that challengers (our equivalent of the underdog hero of gaming) have a huge, practically unfair advantage against incumbents, somehow. Facing rampant attack ads? You can take that stuff all day with your giant health meter! Particularly nasty sex scandal? Lie low for awhile till you heal up. Lose the election altogether? There’s always next year. Eventually, that incumbent will fall. Unless you’re an easily discouraged seven-year-old that never beats the game.......... thaaaaaat explains it.


If you want something done at all...

Today’s elected officials are keenly aware of one thing: you can’t do it all on your own. Government is a tricky affair with many moving parts, and one man can’t do a whole lot without the cooperation of a good number of his fellow policymakers. Many politicians simply give up and resolve to do nothing since they can’t do everything, but they would do well to find inspiration in the all-important player character of the gaming world.

So often in video games, your character finds himself with the fate of the entire world in his hands. Or at least, the entire world looks to him to solve their problems, grave or trivial. Whether in need of a kitten-rescuer, herb gatherer, monster-slayer, diplomat, delivery boy, or galactic saviour, the world looks to the player character for assistance. Why? Because nobody else will do it.

That’s right: you’re it. So what if you’re just a lowly criminal, wasting away your days in the Imperial Prison, enduring the endless barrage of insults from that awful Dunmer across the way? The Emperor of Tamriel himself will still task you and only you with saving everyone from the threat of Daedric invasion. On your time, of course. If you want to waste an entire year just bloody standing there instead of embarking on even the very beginning of your quest to save the Empire, that’s alright, apparently. But regardless of when you decide to actually get on with your responsibilities, the burden is yours alone.

"I've been waiting for this for thirty-nine years!"

Even if you have “help” (however hapless they may be), the mission often can’t go on without the player character. Private James Ramirez of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is a perfect example. As one soldier in an entire batallion of the 75th Ranger Regiment of the U.S. Army, Pvt. Ramirez is surrounded by some of the most highly trained combat specialists in the world. Yet as the player character, he is often called to do pretty much everything while his fellow soldiers are content to lay down covering fire (sort of) for their intrepid, if a bit low-ranking, comrade. If brave Ramirez falls in the line of duty, well, the show can’t go on. In the 75th, the phrase “one man army” is taken literally, and poor Ramirez knows this all too well.

The shouts still haunt Pvt. Ramirez to this day...

The lesson for politicians? Take action, because it’s all up to you. Think you can just sit around and gobble up lobbyists’ money all day until someone else decides to fix everything? Wrong! Your colleagues are completely incapable of doing anything at all without you leading the way. The threats facing the nation will loom overhead until you finally decide to pull yourself away from your reelection side quest long enough to do some of the main quest (i.e. governing). Ultimately, it’s up to you to drag the government forward, most likely kicking and screaming in protest, and solve some real issues. You’re the player character. Sorry pal.