Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The Elitist's Favorite Video Game Moments: Med/Health Packs

Belabored by bullets? Prostrate from a pistol whip? Bedraggled from a beat down? Dying from some horrid incurable disease? Well, worry no more, because straight from highest minds in the entire universe come the new wave of medical advancement! The all curing sure fire way to shake out any thing that might ail your physical form! The almighty MedPack!

MedPack can take many forms!
After years of research, the team from Save the Galaxy from Zombies Incorporated stumbled on more than they ever thought possible. Starting as a noble cause to stop the Zombification process, which we all know to be such a threat in our times, the team came across the miracle salve of all healing agents; the MedPack. Now, with all medical ailments of every conceivable kind cured, the path towards a brighter future, with less Zombies, can finally begin. The horizon looks hopeful already.
The MedPack was first put into action using a test team during one of the many Zombie outbreaks. The team was installed and was forced to fight for their survival. The team had no idea that they were participants in a field test, they just took the miracle of the MedPack and used to survive. Using only the healing packs and piles and storehouses of ammo guns and explosives the team somehow managed to fight their way to conveniently placed "extraction points", being monitored the entire time, of course.

The most recognizable form...
This was the team in action, our cameraman being almost inhumanly sneaky, able to get so close without being detected. He is such a professional.  No injury is too great, the team, near death, simply apply the contents of the pack on their body, and they are, as if by magic, right as rain. Ready to kill Zombies once again. Have you lost a limb in the heat of battle? MedPack shall ensure it grows back!
Did you stand in noxious slime too long? Didn't try hard enough? MedPacks will replace your diseased flesh!
Have a plethora of flesh wounds, festering cuts, and blisters? MedPacks!
Simply have a headache? Well, that Zombie on your face might be a problem, but the MedPack can fix that too! No task is insurmountable!
I digress, at roughly 5mins, you can see the amazing healing quality of the MedPack.

What are the contents of the MedPack, you might wonder. Well, that is half the glory of the MedPack. As far as we can tell, MedPacks are entirely empty. Simply hold the device, act as though you are doing something that looks like it might heal you, and viola! The MedPack's glory ensues, and you have been saved.

The MedPacks wonders don't end there though! Somewhere in the void of space, the MedPack has been honed, so efficient now, that you don't even have to act to activate its power. Simply wish to be healed, and as long as you posses a glorious MedPack, your health bar will fill up faster than you can say "cut off their limbs"! Now, if only all those fancy space-people could figure out how make health bars you can see! Am I right?! Hahahahaha!
See? Like this! Not that hard Isaac!

4mins, and you shall see the miracle. Sort of...

There you have it folks. This year's greatest achievement, and, dare I say, the greatest achievement man as ever seen! Long live the MedPack!


Departed said...

The Elitist sure does have this right MedPacs are proof enough for me that God exists. ^^

The Outlaw said...

I've always believed in God. MedPacs proved to me that science exists.

Departed said...

Science? There is no such is just a cover for witch craft so "God" doesn't roast us =P

The Elitist said...

and Witchcraft is just a cover for the The Circle of the Unicorn Elders.

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