Monday, January 24, 2011

The Outlaw's Favorite Game Moments: Using The Boost To Get Through

While we here at The O and E have many favorite gaming moments, very few of them can be used to help us in our daily lives. Star Fox 64, however, presents an exception. No, it isn't doing barrel rolls. The opportunity to preform such a maneuver rarely comes to those of us who are not in the Air Force. I am, of course, talking about using the boost to get through. In typical fashion, I will now post a video of this action occurring in game.

It's in there somewhere

However, as I stated earlier, the applications of using the boost to get through aren't limited to the game, however great using it may be. Nor am I only bringing this up because of Peppy's famous instructions over using the boost. I'm writing about this because the game highlights just how important it is to master using a boost function to get through things in the real world.

Did you know that over 75% of accidents both in the home and in public in the United States could have been avoided if the victim, or victims, had used the boost to get through things. It is also believed that around 50% of murder victims could have escaped their unfortunate fate if they had only used their boost function. Many say that there is some kind of social point to be made from the fact that the murder rates in Canada are lower than the US', but this is not the case. The truth of the matter is that ever since the release of Star Fox 64, Canada has enacted laws that require all schools to put students through rigorous training programs that teach them how to properly boost in everyday situations.

Here is a picture of a typical P.E. class in the United States. Instead of using this valuable time to teach kids to use boost, the coaches have them doing things like jumping jacks. Because of this, around 57% of these students will die in accidents that could have been avoided through proper boost use.

While death is obviously a bigger issue, using the boost to get through can also prevent damage to property both personal and public. Here we see the results of a lack of federal funding to Using The Boost To Get Through (UTBTGT) programs in law enforcement.

While the numbers speak for themselves, I can speak from personal experience that using boost has helped me in my personal life. One time I was walking to class and two giant enemy robots on opposite sides of my path toppled towers in order to crush me. While a person untrained in the art of boost would have been crushed, or at least would have ran head-first into the obstacles causing massive damage, I was able to use the boost to get through. I escaped the situation unscathed.

On a less dire note, however, boost can also be used to help you get ahead in life.

Here we see a man using boost to get to work early. To his superiors, it appeared as though his work ethic was much greater than that of his co-workers. This has resulted in him receiving 4 promotions within 8 months. He is set to become chairman of the board this April. Not known to his higher-ups, however, is the man's insatiable drive to steal office supplies, which would of course lead to him being fired. As you've probably concluded, though, he has never been caught. Why? You guessed it. Boost.

Hopefully, I have done my job of highlighting the importance of using boost. It also wouldn't hurt for you to go back and play Star Fox 64 again. Perhaps with the re-release of the game on the 3DS, the world will finally understand the necessity of mastering this technique. If you have any questions feel free to consult either me or Nintendo.


David Hagan said...

i once used the boost to get through two colliding bicycles riding on the side walk.
unfortunately my left hand did not use the boost to get through my mother's vagina.

The Outlaw said...

I think you should provide testimony the next time I host a seminar over using the boost to get through.

El Jefe said...

I don't always get through, but when I do, I prefer to use the boost.

Anonymous said...

I sometimes barrel-roll by tapping z or r twice.

The Outlaw said...

Quite useful for deflecting laser fire.

RemoteDragoon said...

Well...I used the boost at the wrong time, now I have 4 children...

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