Least Favorite Video Game Moments: Number 2

    First, allow me to formally apologize for our huge amount of lame the last week and a half. We have both just moved back to A&M for school, and have been settling in, unpacking, buying books, and attending many many housewarming parties. (The latter may be the primary reason....) But, with school starting up on Monday, we decided that it would also be a great time to get back on the schedule. So, with that, I bring to you my second least favorite video game moment.

     When I realized that this need to be written in less than 48 hours I then also realized that I had not actually come up with anything to write about. Sort of a problem. My quandary was quickly solved when my roommate decided to buy an older game, just for the sake of dicking around and making fun of it. When he showed me what game he had purchased, terrible repressed memories of laggy gameplay, shit-tastic voice acting and lamelamelame combat flooded back into my injured and (until then) healing psyche. He had purchased Two Worlds. I knew what I would write about. Typically this is meant to address one moment in an otherwise decent/great game. The thing is, there is not just one moment in this game that is. It is all rotten stinky Statan's armpit bad. So, I have opted instead to just whine and cry about the whole game. Enjoy.
     The first thing that is most obvious flaw for Two Worlds is its lack of real voice acting, reality Pump thought it would be a cool idea to not use Professional voice actors and instead use the Reality Pump staff. Bad idea. The voices are real hammed up, slow and very robotic, almost as if they didn't read the script before recording.. reminds of class reading in middle school. This is all not to mention how awful the script itself is. They tried to go with this old-style medieval dialogue, throwing all kinds of "forsooths" "payhaps" and "prithies" into the speech, but it is so cheesy that it just comes off annoying, albeit hilarious. A reaction I don't believe they were looking for.

     Going along with character flaws, the next major problem I had was the character models. My word I have never seen such craptastic meshing. The faces are blocky, almost original xbox bad, and in some cases worse. Ever person I encountered have a face that looked as though it was melting from radiation. With a console that has thrown out games as pretty as Mass Effect and Assassins Creed, there is no excuse the enormous amount of...just bad.. that Two Worlds brought to the 360.

This picture is actually a pretty good picture, for Two Worlds.                                                                                                                                         
     Moving right along, let me whine about the graphics some more. Let's start with an example. The beginning of the game shows some farmers reaping wheat, problem is, as the scythes are being swung through the wheat, non of it is being cut. So the farmers keep obliviously cutting away and the same spot of wheat over and over again. Again, the console is more than capable of processing the physics to remove the wheat from its stalk, and let it fall. Not that hard. Laziness and carelessness shows itself over and over again in this tragic game. The environment is clumsy and glitchy. It looks pretty from far away, but as you get close, the blur starts to become quite apparent.

I am pretty sure the original xbox could run this game. Especially with how low the framrate is. The game is choppy, jumping allot and never really running smoothly (which cause horrid horrid lag in multiplayer, but I am not even going to start with that). Combat, should be relatively easy coming from a game that was branded as being Oblivion's little brother, because let us face it, Oblivions combat is ridiculously simple. I don't really believe you can mess it up. Two Worlds manges to take a button mashing combat style and make it suck. How many button masher hack and slash games have we played that have really awesome fighting animations? Plenty. (Dynasty Warriors comes to mind). I realize that it would have taken work but I wish that the weapon swinging choreography was better, it just looks so freakin lame the way it is. I could go on, but I really think I need to stop before I go into cardiac arrest due to how angry this game makes me. Some brave and courageous soul is playing Two Worlds, recording it, and is posting it on YouTube, I suggest you go watch it and see for yourself Two Worlds in all of its tremendous horror. This is what he has so far.

Part One, Part Two, Part Three.