Our 100th Article!!!

Hey there!! We are not dead!! Contrary to popular belief, and world wide rumors, the writers here at The Outlaw and The Elitist are in fact alive, and are still bringing you awesome stuff.

Today is a special day! For it marks the day, of our 100th post!! Yay! Which, is why we appeared to have been sucked into an inter-dimensional portal for almost a week. Well... we were sucked into said portal... but we were also writing this!! What you have before you now, is a list of 50 things we love, and 50 things we hate about video games. It ranges from characters, to items, to themes, ambiance, animation, art and music! Along the way, you will see links to video you should watch in order to grasp what we loved/hated. I hope you enjoy and that it's full of the lols!

We want to thank all of you for reading, and commenting (those who do) and ask you to keep it up! This is for you! TheOandE will continue posting as usual now, thanks for your patience! Enjoy!

Things We Like, Very Much

Kimahri (FFX)

Sure, he had crappy abilities for a while. But he's a beast. Freaking awesome.

M16 (Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare)

Yea, I was that guy. The one you all complained about because I knew how to use an M16. Sorry guys. Get pwned.

Kirby (Super Smash Bros)

You just can't throw this little guy off the edge. Super floaty abilities for the win.

Alucard (Castlevania: Symphony of the Night)

Basically a badass. All the benefits of being a vampire, yet we love him as a hero. And who doesn't like turning into mist?

Master Chief (Halo)

No description needed.

Kain (Legacy of Kain)

Travels through time. Ruler of the world. Shapes the future. Did I leave anything out?

Rocket Launcher (Goldeneye 64)

BOOOOOOOOOM!

Priests (World of Warcraft)

Look at me. Look at your health. Now look back at me. This is the man that saves your life. Look at your health. It's low. Look back at me. Now look at your health. It's full. Now back at me. What's in my hand? That heroic weapon you wish you had. Look down. Back up. I'm standing in purple.

Creep Tumors (Starcraft II)

I likes to spread the creepy creepies.

Organizational ability (Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind)

So... Oblivion is cool with that whole hand moving stuff thing. But remember the good ol' days when items could overlap? There's nothing quite like hoarding weapons and armor and making a museum of your awesomeness.

Revert (Tony Hawk series)

Making 1,000,000+ point combos possible.

Blitzball (Final Fantasy X)

Best. Minigame. Ever. The only thing I don't like is how far into FFX you have to get before you can actually play.

Level "altering" (Red Faction)

Rocket launcher + destructible walls = level altering.

Sonic Rings

There’s just something special about Sonic Rings. Maybe it’s because they’re full of some secret magic. Not only does the possession of a single ring keep you from death, expect by the squishings, but a creature without pockets can magically carry an indefinite number of them. Beyond that, they are just worth picking up. Collect enough and they can give you anything from an extra life to a bonus room, and will even turn you into Super Sonic after collecting all the chaos emeralds! Oh, also the chime they make is wonderful.

Fire Flower (Mario)

The fire flower looks deeeeep into your soul…

BEFORE IT SETS IT AFLAME!!!!

One of the simplest and best power ups of all time, the fire flower has always been awesome because it allows you to easily pick off enemies that it usually takes some finesse to kill. Hell, it even kills piranha plants! At the same time, it manages to change a core gameplay mechanic without the game losing its heart. That’s an achievement in of itself.

Zelda Music

Zelda has some of the greatest music of all time, bar-none. There’s literally a song for every moment and emotion and none of them have ever gotten old. Besides, no theme has ever been so synonymous with success than this

Gravity Gun (Half-Life 2)

Hey Valve, why don’t you please everyone in the world again like you always do? Seriously, how much do I actually have to say? It’s a gun that can turn anything you can pick up with it into a weapon! A Headcrab zombie isn’t so scary when it has a saw blade lodged in its face… er… crab… crab-face?

Kuribo’s Shoe (Mario 3)

C’mon! It’s a giant shoe that you can hop around in that can move over any surface… At least in the one level in the one game it’s in… I miss that shoe *sniffle*

Ok… so it’s a little less practical in the real world…

Yoshi

I’ve loved Yoshi since his first appearance in Super Mario World. There’s just something about his spirit I find admirable. He is just so happy no matter danger he faces! I mean, Yoshi’s solution to any problem, besides eating it, is just to try harder. Can’t make that jump? Just kick your feet and try to go a little further. It’ll work. Beyond that, he saved Mario when he was just a wee lad, so we owe Yoshi for Mario’s existence. Oh, also, his digestive system is changes his waste into eggs. Imagine having a pet you never have to clean up after!


NEVER BE SAD AGAIN!

Captain Price's Mustache (Captain Price's Magical Rainbow Adventure AKA Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2)

I’m not worthy of commenting on this work of art. It’s just too magnificent.

On second thought….

Agro (Shadows of the Colossus)

There is something to be said about a companion as loyal as Agro. If I was Wanderer’s horse, I would have abandoned the balance-deficient lad the second he ran me towards one of those Colossi. Besides, this just gives me another excuse to yell “Agro!” at my roommate in Wanderer’s voice.

Ellis (Left4Dead2)

"I ever tell you about the time Keith made sushi? Yeah, his mom took him to a sushi place for his birthday and he didn't want to go, but he turned out he LOVED it, man. But it's like 10 bucks a su-sho in one of them places, so Keith figures hey, how hard can it be to roll up some raw food in seaweed, right? As it turns out, it's hard. Now, they say that experience is the best teacher, and experience taught Keith that if you ever eat three pounds of raw chicken, it kills you. Now luckily, Keith's brain went into self-defense mode and started shutting organs down to head the chicken off at the pass, and the doctors were able to get 'em out before his heart stopped. But to this day, Keith has no sensation in his right foot, and doesn't recognize his own brother Paul no more."

Hammer (Super Smash Bros.)

The hammer has been a staple of the SSB series since the first game on the N64, and it damn well deserves it. Nothing sends your opponents running in the opposite direction jumping around like idiots than you grabbing this magnificent mallet of malevolent mayhem. However, I happen to be one of the proud players who has managed to hit someone while they were wielding this weapon of mass destruction. Yeah, I’m that good.

Yarn Kirby (Kirby's Epic Yarn)

ACHUCHUCHUKUCHU!
BAHABAHABAHABAH.
WHO’SACUTIEPIEPOOHPOOHPOOHPOOH.
EHBEHEHPEHEHEBEEHEH!

Liberty Prime (Fallout 3)

Liberty Prime is up there with the best video game robots ever, next to ROB from Chrono Trigger and HK-47 from KOTOR. He is less sentient than they, but this is why he is great. You see, he is very single minded, with his sole purpose being the ERADICATION OF COMMUNISM! Why? Because Communism is the very definition of failure. That’s why.

Yeti (Alien Hominid)

Eating Communists has never been so much fun! I mean, look how happy he is!!

Tali (Mass Effect)

She is just so freaking adorable. So shy and cute! She is so smitten with Commander Sheppard, but too shy to do anything.

(skip to about 2:40)

D’aawwww!!

Kazooie(Banjo Kazooie)

Have you ever had a friend as helpful as Kazooie? If you say yes, I would absolutely love to see your friend help you run faster, jump higher, kill enemies with eggs, and even her beak, and oh yea… FLY.

Portal Gun(Portal)

Okay, does this one need an explanation? Portals! Fun! SO convenient!!

Chocobos(Final Fantasy)

Big Yellow Chicken ftw!

Biggorons sword(Legend Of Zelda: Ocarina of Time)

Look, it’s a giant sword. It does double the damage, looks twice as cool can somehow fit inside the very sheath that houses the Master Sword… however, it still can’t kill Ganon!!

Hidden Blade(Assassins Creed)

“Hm, this fellow is dressed in an odd manner, in fact, I think I’ve seen this guy before. Wait a second… you are that Assa-“ ………..

DK Rap(Donkey Kong)

So they're finally here, Performin' for you. If you know the wordsy ou can join in too. Put your hands together, If you want to clap, As we take you through,This Monkey Rap.
HUH!!

Mega Buster Cannon(Mega Man)

There is an energy cannon. In his arm. His arm cannon. It’s an arm energy cannon. Pew Pew

Chozo Power Suit(Metroid)

It’s a suit of power. Samus is hot.

Big Daddies(Bioshock)

Epitome of steam punk awesomeness. Huge, armored super-scuba divers, with glowing faces and freaking drills on their arms. They are fast, ridiculously strong, and are called Big Daddies. You will never be this cool.

Djinn (Golden Sun)

Adorable and deadly! Never have I seen such an adorable little beast cause so much awesome chaos. Yay summons.

Big Boss’s Cigar(Metal Gear Solid 3)

Ah, a completely tactically useless item that takes up inventory space and actually depletes your health when you have it equipped. Then why do I constantly have it equipped in this game? Because it’s bad ass, that’s why.

Youngster (Pokemon Red and Blue )

You may be wondering what I like about this random character from the pokemon games, who really doesn’t stand out. One sentence: “I like shorts! They’re comfy and easy to wear!” That is just hilarious. Oh, Japan, never change.

PIZZA! (Devil May Cry)

Sllllooooooowww….. mmmmmooottioooonnnn…. Pizza eating….. Fuuuuuckkkkk….. yeeeeeaaaahhh….

Lucifer (Devil May Cry 4)

This one gets on this list for the sole reason of its absolutely ridiculous acquisition scene

Midna (Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess)

I know some people don’t like Midna, but I mainly do because it’s the first time a character in the Zelda series has been as well characterized as she has. Plus, for the first time, I’m not telling my little advice fairy to die in a fire.

The Merchant (Resident Evil 4)

“WHADDAYA BOIYIN’???????”

Akira Yamaoka (Silent Hill Series [the music from the games])

I’m going to refrain from speaking about all the various aspects of the music from the Silent Hill games, because if I did, I’d be at it for several pages, so I’m simply going to say that the music is some of the best I’ve ever heard in a game series, and give you a little listen

Kratos’ Incredibly Hammy Acting (God of War)

The God of War games are widely recognized as being loads of fun to play, but one of my favorite things to do is to play the “God of War Drinking Game.” The rules are simple: take a drink of your beverage every time Kratos shouts for no good reason. (Please don’t actually play this game, you will die.) Also, “ATHENA?!!! YOU CONSPIRE AGAINST ME?!?!?!”

Chris Redfields Tree Trunk Arms (Resident Evil 5)

Aparrently part of the process of being rendered in HD is that you gain about 50 pounds of muscle weight in each of your arms. Chris’s arms in this game are ridiculous and hilarious, and I love it.

GLADoS (Portal)

GLADos, you are a lying liar who lies about lying, but for some reason, despite the fact that you spent half the game trying to kill me, I still like you. I’m not even angry. I’m being so sincere right now.

Knights of the Round Materia (Final Fantasy VII)

AKA the “Kill Everything Summon.” It takes FOREVER to get it, and a guide to Chobobo breeding, but it’s worth it to be able to link it with the mana absorb spell, and just own everything in the game.

Okamis’ Artistic Design

This game sold rather poorly, and while it didn’t receive bad scores within the video game media, it just didn’t receive nearly the amount of acclaim it deserves. The story is well done, the characters are all hilarious, and the game is simply gorgeous.

I Wanna Be The Guy

This is a neat little free game you can download just by searching it on google. The reason it goes on here is because it’s a tribute to every ridiculously hard Nintendo platforming game ever made. It’s also probably the most difficult game ever made. As in it makes Super Meat Boy seem easy. If you’re in the mood for masochism, here it is.

Things We Very Much, Do Not Like

I Wanna Be The Guy

I know what you’re thinking. “Wait, wasn’t this something he liked?” It is. I also hate this game, because while being an amped up tribute to old school sidescrolling platformers, it’s really, really, really, REALLY hard. And that’s not just me complaining, the whole point of this game is to be as unfairly difficult as possible.

Sindragosa - the !@#$ing b*tch (World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King)

Suffer mortals... as your pathetic magic betrays you!

Terran (Starcraft II)

Don't even get me started on this OP race. Initially I was going to just do Thors with their ridiculous anti-air range that rapes my Mutalisks. But then I realized that I hate the entire Terran race. Go Zerg.

Missing that jump (Every game)

Why couldn't they just make a bridge?

LMGs (Call of Duty series)

Learn to use a real gun. Until then, I’ll be shooting your face off with my sniper rifle.

Pikachu's Thunderbolt (Super Smash Bros)

Spamming is for... hateful hateful individuals...

Playing Diablo 2 in modern times

Gameplay and graphics just hurt my highly advanced brain.

Dodging lightning 200 times... in a row (Final Fantasy X)

Lulu doesn't deserve a legendary weapon anyway.

Running out of PP (Pokemon)

First of all, just running out of PP is hilarious. Haha he has no PP left. But on a more serious note, how come I always forgot to go to the Pokemon Center right before the battle where I needed to spam Flamethrower but only had 3/20 PP... Stupid plant pokemon.

Like Likes (Legend of Zelda)

Give me back my shield, you stupid gelatinous whore.

Alucard’s Doppleganger (Castlevania: Symphony of the Night)

I like playing with myself a lot more than having to beat myself. I mean, come on...

Being a good guy (Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic)

Who wants to lose out on Force Lightning? Sure, you Jedi folk may try to use it, but it's just pathetic really. In all honesty, your little force speed boost probably doesn't compare to a good lightning bolt to the face.

Lag (Duh)

Why didn't the game count my bullets?! I hit that guy!

Navi(Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time)

My lord… I hate this damnable fairy with every fiber of my Legend of Zelda loving soul… No Navi, I won’t listen, no shut up, oh my god, I have been ignoring your for 12 years, stop saying Hey… No I do NOT want to talk to Saria. YES I HAVE NOTICED DEATH MOUNTAIN!! OF COURSE IT LOOKS STRANGE, IT HAS BEEN SURROUNDED BY A RING OF MYSTICAL EVIL LOOKING FIRE YOU STUPID STUPID FAIRY!!

Myrrh/Crystal Chalice(FF Crystal Chronicles)

NOT IT!! Yes!! I don’t have to carry that stupid freaking chalice that, admittedly keeps us all alive, makes it certain that I will receive no gold, experience or loot this level! Suck it, whosever turn it is to carry this giant piece of inconvenience!

Campers

Oh wow, you were waiting behind that wall for me? Hmm well that sucks. Oh hey, you are still there.. I’m dead again. The hell, still?!?

::toss grenade:: lulz….

Spikes (MegaMan)

Mega Man, lets have a talk. You are, well.. how do I put this. A ROBOT, MADE WITH MATERIALS I CANNOT EVEN FATHOM!!! How is it… tell me.. that a piece of sharpened metal is able to kill you? Not just kill you… make you explode? Hmm? Tell me….

not mine, thanks to the guy who drew this, where ever you may be!

Beggars/Lute Players (Assassins Creed)

“Ezio did not kill civilians!” Screw that, if he had to deal with this bull crap, I’ll bet he did. I do. Jeez…

Blue Shells(Mario Kart)

Oh right, this is Mario Kart, and I was in first place. Silly me. ::Begins to spew profanity::

Gargoyles (Fable)

Because I need continues strikes to my self-esteem. I AM A DELICATE FLOWER!!!! Who will shoot you dead… o.O

The Cake (Portal)

A lie…? But-but… I really really wanted some cake….

Regenerators (Resident Evil 4)

Because an invulnerable zombie making terrifying moaning noises, shaking down the hall way at you is the single most horrifying thing, ever. Forever.

Bulbears (Pikmin)

Oh god... oh god no… this can’t be…This is a dream... how did I let this happen…

You.. YOU BASTARD!!! They were my friends!! You ate all of my Pikmin, you sick sick bastard!! I just want to go home... Oh god why! WHY!!!

Mudcrabs(Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion)

::combat music::

Oh-oh man… what is it... where… what... um… Where is the enemy…?

“UGH!!”

The hell? Oh… it’s a freakin mudcrab... hidden in the grass attacking my feet… ::sigh::

I've fought mudcrabs fiercer than you!!

Tanks (Left4Dead)

Well... we were doing well. Now we are all dead. Stupid super zombie… that is not even fair.

Addictions (Fallout)

Dammit, I picked up all of these really awesome weapons, and I have things to sell.. but I am over-encumbered. Oh I know! I’ll just take some buffout! WHAT?! I took this chem once and I am addicted! I don’t even know where a doctor is… Don’t do drugs, kids!

Devil May Cry 2

Devil May Cry is a series I love. DMC2, however, represents everything that can go wrong in the video game industry. After the success and raving reviews of the first game, everyone was clamoring for a follow up. Capcom obliged… by replacing the director who promptly decided to take the series in a “new” direction. The result was lazily done, the combat was unbearably simplified, the story was full of gaping plot holes, and seemed like it was written as an afterthought, and it just showed that Capcom was interested in making a game that sold on the basis of it’s name rather than any real merit it had.

The Tribals (Jet Force Gemini)

This could just as easily be “Rare collectibles in general.” I love Rare’s games, but they for some reason felt the need to make you collect a million different things before you could beat the game. In Jet Force Gemini, an under-appreciated and otherwise wonderful N64 game, had the tribals, who you must rescue, and they are no exception. What puts them on this list however, is the fact that not only are they incredibly annoying to track down (and you have to save ALL of them), but it’s just that they’re so damn fun to kill.

..and you will want to burn them all.

Rose (Metal Gear Solid 2)

Do I really need to say anything? I mean, is there anyone out there who actually likes this character? I mean, seriously, Raiden is trying to rescue the President; he doesn’t need his girlfriend bitching at him about his anniversary. “NO I DON’T KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS, SO TELL ME OR SHUT UP.”

Tingle (Legend of Zelda)

Again, do I really need to say anything? I mean, look at him.

Raiden (Metal Gear Solid 2)

Are we seeing a pattern here? Raiden is, in so many words, just not a very interesting character. He’s whiny, not very intelligent, he’s not Solid Snake, and he has the following line: “Colonel, we’ve managed to avoid drowning!” :D You go on and continue to be happy about that fact, Raiden. I’m personally going to lament it.

Princess Ruto (Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time)

Ruto is just annoying. Not much to say here, I just didn’t like her very much, and having to carry her royal ass around inside that enormous fish was really irritating.

Roman (Grand Theft Auto 4)

*ring ring ring* *beep* “NIKO, MAH COUSIN, LET US GO TO SEE SOME BEEEEEEEEEG AMERICAN TEETEEES!”

Sora (Kingdom Hearts II)

This one and the one that follow require a bit of explanation, and I realize I may catch some flak for my opinions, but they are my opinions, so here they are. In the first Kingdom Hearts game, Sora was an interesting, likable character, just trying to get back to his home, and to save his (admittedly rather generic) girlfriend from the bad guys. Standard JRPG lead character motivations, but still an all round fun character. Then comes KHII, where for some reason, Sora seems to have lost about 50 I.Q. points, at some points literally just forgets major events from the first game, and in general, just acts like a total idiot. Then there’s the infamous scene where he meets Riku and Kairi again for the first time in over a year. I’m not going to bother trying to explain it, because, well, just watch.

He gives the presumed love of his life an awkward little hug, but breaks down in tears at the feet of his “best friend.” In the words of Jerry Seinfeld: “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

Roxas (Kingdom Hearts II)

Oddly enough, I actually kind of like Roxas, but mainly because I feel sorry for his character, because he, much like Sora in the first game, just wanted to live his life in peace with his friends. The reason he goes on this list though, is more because of what he represents: the shitting up of the Kingdom Hearts plot. KH1 was a fun game with a straightforward plot. KHII and onwards, you practically need to have the Kingdom Hearts wiki open at all times to figure out what the hell is going on. Roxas is sort of the embodiment of all this convoluted mess.

Yuffie (Final Fantasy VII)

Ah, a character for whom my dislike is very straightforward. I always get her, because her sidequest unlocks lots of little goodies otherwise unavailable, but god dammit is she annoying. From being a poor fighter, stealing your equipment on a regular basis, and just being annoying, she definitely belongs here.

Vaan (Final Fantasy XII)

It is my opinion that since Final Fantasy X, the series has been going steadily downhill. X-2 was just grossly inappropriate for the series, and completely messed up on the characterization, XI… well, pretty much no one played XI, so that says something, especially since they were essentially playing follow the leader to Blizzard. Enter FFXII. I don’t want to turn this into a mini-review, so I’m just going to suffice it to say that I didn’t like it. Vaan was the worst aspect of it, mainly because he fell victim to the “androgynous male lead” syndrome. There has been equal amounts of speculation as to whether Meg Ryan or Ellen Degeneres was the chief inspiration for his looks, and neither of those are good things to model a male lead after.

Shadow the Lamehog (Sonic Series)

IHATEHIMIHATEHIMIHATEHIMIHATEHIMIHATEHIMIHATEHIMIHATEHIMIHATEHIMIHATEHIM!!! *Ahem* I hate him…. Why? Because he has no business being in Sonic games. In a sense, he represents a lot that is wrong with the series. They took a colorful world and added an uninteresting emo asshole to it. Fuck you Shadow… and the stupid hover skates you move around on.

Andross’ Face/brain (Starfox)

What? He’s an ugly monkey. What’s not to hate. Next topic. Ok fine. Legit reasons. Here’s the thing… ANDROSS DOESN’T MAKE SENSE! I mean, he’s supposed to be a monkey, but he’s just a huge head with hands! But then… he becomes this!

What the hell is this? Some kind of robot? Well maybe, because if you fight the “real Andross” he becomes a giant brain that can shock you somehow and grab you with tentacles. It also talks! How the hell does a brain talk, or attack, or move? And if you destroy that brain, he manages to come back later in a different game. Friendly reminder, don’t mess with Space Chimps. Logic does not apply to them. Also, they are huge.

Oblivion Gates (Oblivion)

Time to make a distinction. I have nothing against the large gates outside of each city in Elder Scrolls IV. They serve a purpose and can be closed for good. It’s the wilderness gates I can’t stand. Nothing sucks more than walking through the wilderness, looking for a sidequest while enjoying the scenery to see the sky go red and then be attacked by daedra. If you are a higher level it sucks even more because then you’ll be overpowered by those damnable Spider Daedra. That’s not the worst of it though. If you decide to enter and close it all you’ll get is a lousy Sigil Stone. And sure, that gate will disappear, but then it’ll pop up somewhere else! Congratulations Mehrunes Dagon. You may be the Daedric Prince of destruction, change, revolution, energy, and ambition, but you’re mostly just the prince of inconvenience and pestering.

Dog (Duck Hunt)

Need I go on?

Peter (Earthworm Jim)

What is it with games and making me hate puppies? I love puppies! Yet, games decide to make them jerks. Sure, Peter is fine at first, but the second you mess up while escorting him across the level he turns into a foul beast of death and destruction. Look, I’m sorry I messed up, but it wasn’t on purpose. You know what, the next time a friend of mine forgets to return something to me, forgets to pick me up, or accidentally lets me fall down a bottomless pit, I’m just gunna turn into a violent creature of murder and teach em’ a lesson. That’s positive reinforcement, right?

Reaver (Fable II and III)

He’s a prick they never let you kill. I need no other reason beyond that.

Katey (Dead Rising 2)

There’s not much to say about her that hasn’t already been said. If you read my review or played the game, you know she makes an already annoying game worse. But if you need more than that…

*shudder* it's just not human....

Reporter (Mass Effect 1 and 2)

I don’t understand what this bitch’s deal is. For some reason she is always trying to make the hero of the galaxy look like an ass. Funny when the paragon choice is basically telling her to go suck a big one. The renegade choice on the other hand

Keese (Zelda)

Can’t stop here, this is bat country. Also, the bats are sometimes on fire… or on ice. How the hell does that work? Anyway, they are annoying.

Early Resident Evil Dialogue

Not much to say on this one.

Bowser Jr.

Where the hell did this little bastard even come from? Bowser had tons of kids and none of them were Bowser Jr. Then he just showed up all of a sudden. Also, he somehow manages to be more annoying than all the other tykes put together. I’m surprised the other ones haven’t introduced their dad’s favorite child to a lava pit yet.

Wall-masters (Zelda)

Dear lord are these awful. What kind of enemy has the sole purpose of grabbing you and sending you to the beginning of a dungeon? A bastard one. I would rather fight a room full of ReDeads than fight just one of these jerks.

The face of evil... wait...

Bull Colossus (Shadows of the Colossus)

What… A… Fucker. This is one of the cheapest bosses I’ve ever fought. Why? Because if he hits you once, you’re pretty much done. Every time Wanderer tries to get up from a hit, this colossus will hit him before he even stands up. This can result in you just watching the screen helplessly for 5 minutes as the bull knocks your hero around the room until he dies. How do you escape this? You get lucky. Sometimes the bull will knock you into a crevice it can’t ram you in. If he doesn’t, you die. End of story.