The Outlaw's Least Favorite Game Moments: Shao Kahn

Shao Kahn: Proof that muscle size is directly proportional to how big of a douche you are.

I haven't said one thing about the latest Mortal Kombat up until this point, mainly because it took a drunk impulse buy for me to get it. I was a Street Fighter fan growing up. However, looking back I wish I had gotten it sooner so I could have reviewed it (that will be semi-rectified soon possibly). To be quick without saying too much about it, there was a lot to like about it... except for Shao fuckin' Kahn. For those of you unfamiliar with the Mortal Kombat universe, Shao Kahn is the ultimate sore looser and rule-bender. The new game is a retelling of the first three, so seeing it all happen quickly shows just how much of a whiny bitch he is. "Waaaaah, we lost the tournament so I can't conquer Earth-Relm. Guess I just have to keep finding loop-holes so I get another cheap chance." Grow up. Earth isn't all that great anyway. However, my hate goes beyond his extremely flawed disposition. It's how cheap he is to fight.

I was going to go into detail about what makes him awful, but this chap did it for me. The first half is the important part.


Dick

So let's recap. He can zip across the screen with an attack either on the ground or in the air, he has an unblockable hammer that can stun you, he can ignore your attacks and hit you through them, and he can punch through your block if he feels like. Basically, there is no fighting fair with him, because if you do your blocking game and your evasive game don't matter anymore. Oh, and like the guy from the video said, his x-ray attack does %52 damage. It's just... tacky. Sure, Goro and Kintaro have some of the same attributes, but a skilled, quick player can find ways to outmaneuver them. And if you're wondering what the final fight looks like, it's something like this. Keep in mind that this is on a lower difficulty, though, as the timid voice-over guy says.


On a harder difficulty, my successful plan was to let him attack and teleport behind him to do some quick damage.

It doesn't end there, though. Make your way into the upper levels of the challenge tower and you'll find yourself taking on THREE Shao Kahn's, one right after the other, without being rewarded all your health back between fights. And then of course, there's Challenge Room #300


If you're wondering what those little icons popping up on the screen are, that's your opponents randomly getting power-ups while you are sometimes robbed of your ability to block or do full damage. In an act of mercy, that stops happening when you get to Shao Kahn. You still have to fight him after three other people, though.

Basically, anything involving Shao Kahn is cheap. It almost makes me miss Seth from Street Fighter IV... almost.

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L.A. Noire Review

I had my eyes on L.A. Noire for a long time. When more details started coming out it promised revolutionary facial mo-cap tec, a fantastic story, and a misspelling of a classic term (it's actually spelled Noir). So did this cynical tale of detectives, corruption, drugs, and mobsters live up to the hype? I'm not gunna jerk you around, it did.

The game follows Cole Phelps, with a well-done case of "and now for someone completely different" later, as he rises and falls through the ranks of the LAPD. Along the way are your typical action sequences involving the usual shooting and chase scenes. Basically, anything you'd expect from a noir story. However, most of these shooting segments are limited to Street Crimes which are optional side-quests that randomly pop up through-out each chapter. It is nice to try to do as many of them as possible, though, as they can increase your rank, which gives you intuition points (I'll explain later), or even showcase characters that you interacted with forever ago. That's not to say the main quest doesn't have plenty of shooting and chasing on foot or by car. My main point is that finding clues and interrogating suspects is the star of the main quest, and boy-oh-boy does it shine.

Shines like a nice pair a' gams ona dame.

Much of the game centers around searching for clues in a crime scene and interrogating witnesses and suspects. And for you people worried that you might miss a clue, specific music plays when there are clues left to find and there is even a theme for when the last one is found. It's really a matter about how long your willing to look and this is where the first use of intuition points comes in. If you've looked long enough you can use intuition (you can only hold on to five at a time mind you) to reveal where the rest of them are on the map. However, I recommend holding on to them for the main draw of the game, interrogations. Interrogations work like this, you pull out your notebook, that has every important location, person, question, and evidence in it, and start firing away questions.

Nicholas from Hot Fuzz was right when he said your notebook was your best weapon... yes, I know he's using pistols at this point... shut up.

I'm going to be honest. Interrogating people is one of the most engrossing things I've ever done in a game. Maybe it's because I have to use my brain more in these situations than in others, but in any case it's expertly laid out. Whenever you ask a question, the questionee responds and you can then choose one of three options: truth, doubt, and lie. Truth obviously means you believe the statement, doubt means you don't, but you don't have the proof, and lie means you've caught the mug in an outright lie and you have the proof to back up your claim. Picking lie is when you have to do some extra thinking. After selecting that option, you have to scroll through all the evidence you've found throughout the case and pick the one that proves the suspect is lying. This can get rather difficult when there is a page full of evidence, and this is where I really recommend using intuition. Using that option gives you the choice between asking the community, which I never did because duh, and removing a truth, lie, or doubt choice and much of the possible evidence. Intuition is your friend... forever. If you choose the wrong answers the questioning can go seriously bad and the suspect could refuse to talk. This can result in loosing out on more evidence. The game will find a way to push the story along, but the real consequences are shame and a lesser rating.

So how can you tell if they're lying. Well a good detective will know that based on evidence, but that now famous mo-cap is also there to help you out. While it's not a %100 tell, if the suspect is looking straight at you with a gaze that could stare down Stalin, there's a good chance he's telling the truth. But, if he's doing something like thiiiis...

... then you can re-name him Liar McLiarson

Just keep in mind that some suspects are so confident in their lies that they won't let their face give it away. You have been warned.

The facial mo-cop does serve a purpose beyond that. It adds an extra layer of realism that brings an amazing game even more to life. There is some creepiness to be had with the bodies not being given the same treatment though, as they don't look anywhere near as real. They also made sure to put a necklace or clothing where the face and neck meet the body which I found kind of amusing. But hey, the method is expensive.

But look how amazing it is!!!! The Detail!!!!!!

As I implied before, the story is wonderfully told and it drives you to figure out what's going on. Investigating never gets old because it always shakes things up. At one point you even have to interpret poems to follow a trail through the city. Every actor does their job amazingly and I hated the villains more than in most other games. Sure, shooting is a bit loose and the driving could be better, but everything else is executed so perfectly I can hardly be bothered with it. Hell, you can even make your partner drive to next location, do it too much and you miss out on side-quests though. In short, it could even be called a revolution in game-play.

10 out of 10... ya humps.

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The Elitist's Least Favorite Video Game Moments: World of Warcraft

I know, I know. It's a WoW post. The internet seems to get all twisted whenever wow is mentioned. However, this is probably the one thing in video games that I hate more than anything else. Every time I get to talking about it my brain starts melting from rage...

I hate you  I hate you I hate you I hate you

A little intro for those of you not addicted to WoW: In the expansion prior to Cataclysm (known to some as Catacalysm), for the final dungeon you and all your specifically selected friends went and stormed the Lich Kings Tower/Castle/Lair thing. Long and short of it is, you run up, fight bosses, run some more, fight some not bosses, run, fight more bosses, etc. etc. Well, there is one specific boss that makes even the LK (Lich King) fight seem relatively simple. That fight, is with the mother fucking bitch of a dragon, Sindragosa.




So, I could go into depth about the specific methods used to "down" Sindragosa, but that will take to long.. and those of you who don't know how.. probably don't care. Long and short is, on paper it's a fairly simple strategy. It involves very little instruction, and the actions carried out by each team member are spelled out explicitly, and when to carry those instructions out is also fairly obvious. For whatever reason.. even a group that was been competent and successful for the entire dungeon, can immediately turn into bumbling fools tripping over their own feet when encountering this boss.

Here is what you are supposed to do...




Here is what usually happens...




You'll note, that they nearly killed her. They lost in the last phase of Sindragosa's fight. The frustrating thing about Sindy, is the hardest part is her last 10%. She is decently simple to get to that point, but when that point arrives, its the balls. Time and time and time again, my groups take Sindy down to 5% and lose. We spend 10mins, reviving and getting rebuffed, addressing what went wrong and how to improve it and going again, only to lose at her last 2%.
over and over again....

To sum up. She is a bitch.

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New Shadows of the Damned Trailer

If you follow the blog you've probably noticed that we have not once mentioned Shadows of the Damned. We haven't actually talked about much of anything lately (we're back to work I swear!). The reason for the former, though, is that we never knew much about it. All I knew was that it was a collab between the big guys behind Resident Evil, No More Heroes, and the genius who does the music for Silent Hill. When I first heard about it, I was really confused. I had no idea what kind of style would be the most apparent. At this point, it seems to combine the action of Resi, the humor and weirdness of Suda 51, and the music of Silent Hill. So basically... awesome. And the new trailer only makes me more excited.


Viagra

O.K., yes the game is laden with sexual and juvenile jokes. But hey, go read my Bulletstorm review and see how much I like that. And in case your confused, Johnson refers to the shape-shifting, British skull that follows you around and transforms into all your weapons. That very same skull also apparently has a floating, pooping (to keep track of where you've been... like leaving a trail), eyeball friend named One-Eyed Willy I think. So yeah, expect lots of that kind of stuff. Fuck it, I'm pre-ordering it.

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The Outlaw's Favorite Game Moments: Sailing in Windwaker

Returning to work on features, getting back in running order is a slow process, I wanted to do something special. (Un)fortunatly I spent all night playing L.A. Noire and I'm not all here. I was going to settle on Cave Johnson from Portal 2, but that's too damn easy. Instead, I looked to my conversations with fellow gamers from my trip to gamestop last night.

On top of getting two more 3DS Streetpasses, which I checked and didn't use immediately for the mini-games which means I can't now, it was a mostly positive experience. I found out how easily my acceptance of people can be swayed by mere gifts when a person, whom I tried to kill with mere thought after he told me he hated Arkham Asylum and Ocarina of Time, gave me a Dr. Pepper. I guess I'm a friendship whore. Combine those words how you will. This previous conversation obviously led a fellow Zelda lover and I to confide in each other, and we discussed what made Ocarina of Time so great and our weird, unusual fandom of Majora's Mask. As far as I can tell not many people like that one, which has always confounded me. And then we got to Wind Waker and realized we liked something else many people didn't, sailing.


It's so soothing that I almost didn't notice that harsh German in the top right.

So why do I like it so much? In a word, it's peaceful. When the boat's at full speed, the music is swelling, and the birds are flying over-head I can almost feel my seething hatred of most things subside. Also, it's gorgeous. Simple reasons, I know, but sometimes, those are the best... or something.

Glad to be back.

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PSN Back Online.

What better day to return to work than on the day PSN returns to the masses. Or, more accurately, to the masses that kept their PS3s. Personally, I feel that response might have been going overboard, but who am I to talk? After all, my core system is my 360 and I don't rely on PSN for anything but the occasional DLC or buying old Playstation games (I'm currently in the middle of Final Fantasy IV). But after monitoring (refreshing the page of) the site that covered the North American return of service and reading the comments, I do feel like I have to throw something out there.

I don't think all Sony fanboys look like this. I just really like Freakazoid.

Reading the comments has proven to be interesting as it flies in the face of the fact that a lot of people on the internet act like massive assholes when they post on sites. I used to think the anonymity was the reason until I looked at a comment feed on something I was a fan of on facebook. But this bothered me for a different reason, people were being TOO nice. Users were thanking Sony for getting things back up, doing their job, and keeping our information safe. Here's the thing, Sony didn't do ANY of that. First of all, Sony has always sucked at staying in touch with their consumers. Just look at the company's comments about the PS3 before it came out. It's one of the reasons it took me so long to buy one. It was no different this time. Millions of people turned on their PS3s A MONTH AGO to find no service and Sony was too busy fumbling over themselves to tell us our information might have been compromised. And it was compromised. When I read the comment thanking Sony for keeping our info safe I nearly laughed. I welcome back the PSN, but Sony deserves no thanks for just doing their job, and doing it badly. I would say overwhelming support would keep them from learning their lesson, but the retail figures indicate I'm only talking to a minority here.

So to this minority, I say this. Your job as a consumer is not to kiss the ass of the company. You need to accept the fact that your beloved Sony screwed the hell up. Fanboyism has never been good for the medium. I was one of the first Nintendo lovers to express distaste with the company during that abysmal Wii drought. If you truly love something you discipline it when it does something wrong. You have no need to thank Sony. Think beyond your console allegiance.

Oh, and to the hackers that ruined it for everyone in the first place, you are among the biggest douchebags in existence and there is a special circle of hell reserved specifically for you.

Hacking won't save your anal cavities from this guy.

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Our Apologies for the Delay...

We here at the O&E would like to extend to you our sincerest apologies for taking for-bloody-ever to update, a misfortune which has, undoubtedly, kept you, our loyal readers, on the metaphorical (or literal) edges of your seats. As Providence would have it, we have all been thoroughly afflicted by the diabolical scourge of students everywhere known as finals. Today, however, we have been freed of this unholy burden, and consequently shall resume in earnest regular postings.

So please, find it in your most generous hearts to forgive us for our extended absence, and rest assured that the best blog in the galaxy will soon be up and running again.

If it helps any, here is a furry friend of ours, begging forgiveness on our behalf:

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