Playground Advice: How to Make Friends in Dragon Age 2

Hey all! Remember me, the lame cartoonist who hasn't contributed to this magnificent blog in forever? Yeah, sorry about that. I fell into the perils of Netflix and general summer laziness. But alas, our glorious summer is coming to a close, meaning the dreaded months of schooling are sure to follow. And as tough as tests can be, at least we can study for them. But who is to answer all the social questions we may have? Questions like: Where should I sit in the classroom? With whom should I sit at lunch? Will nobody like me because I properly ended that previous sentence without a preposition? (No, they will all love you forever, especially me.)

Well never fear, for I am here to help you navigate the murky waters of social behavior. Why, after vegetating in front of various entertainment screens for a couple of months should I give you, average reader, advice on friend-making? I have no idea. That's why I'm only going to teach you how to gain friendship in the world of Dragon Age 2.

Don't worry, Hawke, we'll getcha some friends.

The Comicker: So you're in the market for friends, eh? How many we talking about?

Average Reader: Well, I really like friends. I'd like to have as many as possible.

TC: Well, if you want a simple and easy to remember strategy you can't go wrong with freeing slaves and just generally helping people out.

Whatta guy!

TC: Now you may have to give up your "I love cancer" t-shirt and abstain from kicking puppies, but these sacrifices are well-worth the number of companions that will generally approve of your actions: Aveline, Varric, Isabella, Anders, Merrill, Bethany, Fenris, and Sebastian. Your lunch table is garunteed to be crowded with this tactic!

AR: I really like kicking puppies though... Got anything less straight-laced?

TC: Sure! How about taking on the role of a smooth operator?

How dashing!

TC: All it takes is a little seduction, some witty one-liners, and maybe a few extra coins to grease the wheels and you'll be sure to make some (slightly shady) friends, such as Isabella and Varric!

AR: Hang on, I'm not sure how I feel about that garishly pink background and that pimptastic armor color and the creepy curly beard. And bribery is wrong, isn't it?

TC: So you're a goody-two-shoes then? How's this:

Poor widdle Hawke, lost without an authority figure.

TC: Meet the guardsmen's chump. Sure, he's beaten the pants off of all the local gangs in town while the real city guard does nothing but go on awkward dates together, but he still feels the need to consult the authorities on his decisions, much to the approval of Aveline.

AR: Oh come on, I didn't mean I wanted to be a square!

TC: True, Hawke is nobody's bitch. So let's try something a little more revolutionary:

Hippie Hawke looks so natural. Must be the beard.

TC: With this you'll stand up for the rights of the oppressed along with Anders, Bethany, and Merrill!

AR: Hey, that sounds fun! I like revolutions!

TC: Great, then you'll love our next model:

TC: There ya go, a nice, insane, blood mage. Hey, at least Merrill will like you!

AR: I dunno, that's an awful lot of... blood and stuff.

TC: Right, right, my apologies. Starting to get a little queasy, are you?

Don't be such a pansy, Hawke, it's on your face.

TC: Yes, the bloodletting takes some getting used to. Even Anders the manifest-writing revolutionary will put his foot down on blood magic, along with Fenris, Carver, and Sebastian.

AR: But when can you really trust a mage? I mean, there's demons running all over the place these days! I guess I could just use my judgement--

TC: Judgement is for squares. You don't want to be a square, do you? Lay down the law!

TC: Take down those crazy mages with your buddies: Carver, Fenris, and Sebastian.

AR: I... I guess I could do that. Maybe we could go back to that first Hawke--

TC: Nonsense, this aggressive Hawke is very "you", I can tell! In fact, don't stop with mages, the whole world is just waiting for you to push them around.

TC: Take on the world with your bestest friend, good ole Carver.

AR: And?

TC: 'And' what?

AR: Who else?

TC: Did you actually think anyone else but professional ass-face Carver was going to like you if you were a total dick to everyone? You really do need social help.