What Really Matters: Skyrim. Because Duh.

Alas, we find ourselves in the Great Drought Times, parched and weary, desperate for even the tiniest bit of action in the video game world. It is a sad time indeed. Games journalists across the world are pulling out their hair in frustration and boredom, sadly resigning themselves to reporting on such boring subjects as the comparative quarterly sales of the leading consoles. This author answers with a resounding yawn. YAWN. There.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

But never fear, dear reader, for I bring you respite, if not rain. I, for one, believe we shouldn't have to be content with the absolutely riveting details of sales numbers or whatever. Instead, let us focus on what is really important in life.

And that, my friends, is Skyrim, obviously.

In anticipation of this sure to be bloody brilliant game (slated for release on 11 November), I'd like to share with you some of my favourite aspects of Oblivion and the Elder Scrolls world in general, and how I hope those are built upon in Skyrim.

That big, beautiful world

I still remember my first time playing Oblivion. There was a bit of confusion ("Aw man, I let the emperor die! I must really suck..."), sure, but the game really kicked off for me when I emerged from the sewers and gazed upon the lush landscape of Cyrodiil. It was simply jaw-dropping, awe-inspiring, and damn gorgeous all rolled into one. I swam over to Vilverin and killed my first two men (I took it rather well, for having never taken a human life), simple bandits dressed in fur armour, which I quickly donned for myself. And then, it was off to the forests to frolic freely.

Tell me that ain't pretty. I thought so...

It's just so calming, so peaceful to roam around in the wilderness of Cyrodiil, despite what the Imperial Legion may say about staying on the roads. Roads are for chumps. The wilderness, with its swaying grasses, brilliant night sky, and gentle (or not so gentle) wildlife is where it's at. And it goes on for so long!

But clearly Elder Scrolls' expansiveness and attention to detail isn't limited to the environment; there is also an incredibly fleshed out history that manifests itself both in written in-game lore and in conversations with various NPC's. I've sat and read the entirety of Stronach k'Thojj's Brief History of the Empire in-game. A couple times. So I guess you could say that the Elder Scrolls universe fascinates me. What I'm looking forward to in Skyrim is the further development of this amazing environment, both visually and story-wise. Which is a bit like saying I'm looking forward to Commander Shepard being more badass in the Mass Effect sequel: while it may sound impossible, I'm sure they can pull it off. And that makes me drool.

Bar brawls

Let's face it: everybody likes a good fistfight. There's just something about pounding in faces and bashing in skulls that appeals to the visceral nature at the very heart of mankind. But more importantly, fistfights are hilarious, and Oblivion has them. All it takes is a little Frenzy skill in a crowded place, and you've got a perfect recipe for death and destruction!

I know it's not brave, but sometimes looking for trouble is fun!

The image above is a perfect place for a bit of bedlam. Simply cast a Frenzy spell on your least favourite patron, and bam! Fists go a'flyin. You can join in or sit back and watch. Either way, it's really quite great. Sure, some people die forever, but if they were really important, they'd simply go unconscious, right? Right.

Now, mainly I just want these sorts of...ah...altercations to be possible in Skyrim, and I'm sure they will. Even better, I'll get to feel like such a bloody Viking, brawling drunkenly in mead halls at the northern edge of civilisation. It'll be great. Just sayin'.

Guard battles

Alright, sure, a free-for-all melee is pretty cool, but sometimes you really wanna just take on the entire world. Oblivion lets you do that. Simply find your nearest city guard and hit him with your sword. Or throw a fireball at him. Or punch him or shoot him with an arrow or steal something in front of him... well you get the idea. The idea is that he'll get mad, say something about paying a fine or whatever, and once you refuse, you get to fight him and all his guard buddies!

"Oh, don't worry. I always brandish my sword ominously at law enforcement officials..."

 It's great fun. Arrows start flying all around you, the guards start yelling about their past encounters with wildlife, and, of course, they start twirling around with their silly little swords as if they think their big huge heavy armour will actually save them from your godlike wrath. The fools. But if it weren't for these fools, you wouldn't get to slaughter dozens of people. And where's the fun in that?

There isn't any, obviously. And that's why I am super excited to wantonly slay multitudes upon multitudes of guards and their like in Skyrim. I've been practicing by seeing how high of a bounty I can rack up. Maybe in Skyrim they'll even send progressively more powerful guard units as the body count gets higher, a la GTA. Maybe. It will be awesome. Oh, and remember: always save beforehand, so that your murderous spree has absolutely no consequences! Just like in real life!

All the great lines

This one is simple: people in Oblivion say hilarious things. Hilarious and stupid things. Improbable, impossible, and creepy things. Tamriel is a place where people really let you know how they feel, even if they're misguided, racist, or completely and utterly insane. More often than not, they are.

Let's say you start fighting somebody for whatever reason (or no reason at all), and he's a bit worked up about the whole situation. This is understandable, given that he is fighting the fellow who saved existence itself from the realm of bloody Oblivion. What isn't understandable is when he shouts, "I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than you!" What?! I've no idea where he found these mudcrabs, but I want some of what he was smoking when he fought them.

No respect...

Continuing in the rude category, there are the outright tacky folks who call you out when you tell a joke they don't appreciate with a nice, loud, "What a dumb joke!". I mean, who does that? Seriously. Then there are the overly-cautious-for-some-reason Imperial Legion who fret over you like worried grandmothers, warning, "By the Nine Divines, stay on the roads!" You'd think these guys weren't the ones in charge of keeping the citizens of Cyrodiil safe. And of course, there are the weird beggars with their weird beggar voices. They do quite alright until you give them coin, at which point they revert to some the strange voice to say, "Thank you, kind sir!" in an overly grovelling, ingratiating fashion. It isn't pleasant, but it is hilarious.

I hope Skyrim has plenty of new, ridiculous lines that I can reference to the amusement of my friends and the bewilderment of my girlfriend. I hope I'll get to stick it to the man and mow down swathes of guards just for fun. I hope I'll get to jump into the fray of epic bar fights like any drunken Nord worth his mead would do. And, of course, I hope that the next chapter of this epic saga will improve upon the already outstanding expansiveness and attention to detail found in Oblivion.

Also, dragons. Those will be cool, too. Cheers.